September 1, 2016 - Gini at DaySpring
I never thought I would be one of those moms who got emotional about signing her child up for kindergarten. It never crossed my mind that I would feel anything other than excited for her as she walked through those big double doors to embark on a new journey. However, I have to admit that a little something hit my gut when I started filling out the forms, and then came a sense of sadness mixed with a little anxiety and maybe even a touch of dread. So to console myself and to get a firm grip on exactly what was happening to me, I grabbed a laptop and starting writing to my daughter, Emma. And, this is what happened:
As I sit here we are only days away from you starting your very first day of Kindergarten. And even though we all knew it was coming, I find myself completely shocked by it.
When you were a baby, I promised God that I would do my best to guide you into His loving arms so that your life would be a beautiful testament to His unfailing love. And, its amazing how I already see Him working in you. Your loving nature, your pleasing ways and even just your smile shines bright with His light, reminding me and all those who surround you of Gods beauty.
Daddy and I praise God daily for putting you in our lives. Weve spent the last 5 years teaching you to bring light into this world, teaching you to be polite, trying to instill gratefulness, love and hope in your little heart, letting you know its not nice to call that lady old or that it hurts feelings when you ask someone if they are pregnant. And Ive watched as all these ideas, thoughts, rules and concepts have circled around in that amazing mind of yours as you take it all in - growing smarter, wiser and more capable with each and every day that passes.
So I guess now it is time. Youre more than ready for kindergarten when it comes to smarts, social skills and ability - but is your heart prepared to react with love when faced with what comes with growing up. Have I prepared you for bullying? Unfairness? The un-beautiful things in life? And, why should I have to? Cant you just stay wide-eyed and thrilled with everything life brings your way? Cant you just stay real close to Momma so she can spin every situation just right so that you can only see the beautiful things in life? Im not ready to answer the tough questions, baby girl, Im just not. This milestone is the start of a long journey, and if Im remembering correctly, its a tough one. Are you ready to take your first step into the real world? Because, honestly, Im terrified for you. Im terrified for myself.
And while my heart is beating a thousand times a minute as I write this, I also know that you are ultimately Gods creation. You are called to His purpose and if I keep you right next to me, sheltering you from the world, you will not be learning the lessons He has for you. And, I will not stifle that process. So, I will let go. I will watch you walk into your classroom, and I will act as excited as you are. I will jump up and down with you as you pick out your school supplies and I will celebrate this new beginning. But, I wont be far even in those pre-teen years when you want to push me away, I wont be far. And, through this process, I will rely on God to bring us closer together and closer to Him. Cause, who knows? There might be a few lessons Im about to learn myself.
I love you, Momma
All this to say: If you are a mother of student entering school for the first time, dont ignore that little feeling in your gut. Instead, explore it by either writing it down, writing a song, or simply just praying through it. Because once you can pinpoint where the queasiness is coming from, its much easier to give it to God.
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Author: Gini at DaySpringcomments powered by Disqus